Give Flowers - Tell your friends you love them.

This weeks ramblings have some thoughts on death and reflections on suicide so if these are sensitive topics please consider a previous blog post.

Recent experiences of death within communities that have helped shape who I am had me thinking about one of our original intentions with Flowerboy.  I wanted to share some insights I’ve had while celebrating life, speaking with friends, crying and just trying to make sense of it all. Hoping there are some takeaways or at least a connection to know we are not alone in our thoughts or problems we encounter.

One of our pillars at the cafe is Flowers. The idea of men giving men flowers. We looked it up and some crazy percentage (upwards of 80%) of men receive their first flowers at their funerals. This aspect of Flowerboy is something I hope to expand on while encouraging  the appreciation and celebration of those around us while they are still here. For our friends, family and loved ones to understand their impact and importance. 

We all have unique and  different ways of dealing with death, I don’t think there is a right or a wrong. In the West it seems more somber and sad, while in the east and more culturally rich places it becomes a celebration of life and moving on to something greater. The way I grew up and know funerals couldn’t be more different to the way the Balinese treat it. From what I know the Balinese calendar has an impact on the specific day that a funeral can be held. It’s also something that the entire community comes out to support. It has a large procession and is followed by a cremation. There are a lot of cultural steps missing here but it seems to carry a hope that the one who passed has moved on to a greater place.

Recently I have seen the beauty of friends banding together, communities connecting deeper and the love that blossoms in the shadows after someone passes on. Personally this is the yin to the yang, the balance of something so delicate; life itself. 

I have found in reading the memories and words of appreciation when someone passes that there is a shared sense of guilt to have not taken the time to appreciate and honor those around us to the fullest while they are here. We get caught up in the mundane, forget about what’s important, stress over things that don’t really matter and it all comes to the front when these people are taken from us. Although maybe that’s part of it all; the acceptance that nobody is exempt, and we are gifted these moments of clarity for such short periods of time to remember what’s really important in these lives of ours. LOVE.

I will leave you with some practices and prompts to hopefully allow us to connect deeper, love harder and know how much we mean to other people. Think about it on your next run.

• If someone pops into your head, connect with them. Could be through a voice note, message or if they are no longer here just a moment of silence and a smile to remember a good time. 

• Take the time to understand others stories, go a little deeper with those close to you. Understand their pain points, goals and tell them what you appreciate about them.

• Give flowers, this could be literal. Or in the sense of verbalizing your love and appreciation for someone. 

• Do hard things together. Getting outside of our comfort zones with friends and family allows us to create lasting memories and shared experiences we will never forget. DO IT.

• Live your own life to the fullest. You are inspirational and a pillar of strength to someone out there. Know you are impactful and important. By doing this it will rub off on those around you and we can all live more purpose driven and impactful lives.

• If you are struggling please know there is help. If you need community, consider coming to Run Club. You dont have to run. You can walk or just come hang out. Our community is full of wonderful people.

• Within Indonesia you can call 112 from your phone and speak to a professional.

• You can also use a service like BetterHelp to help you take the right steps forward in time of crisis.

I write this knowing it might not be the usual cheery things you are used to from Flowerboy but I want to humanize the experience a little bit and I think speaking about these topics is important. Love you and hope we can share some time together soon. 

I will dedicate these thoughts to the life and legacy of both Jeff Keenan and Coach McCoy Turner. Sending love to their friends and families.