No Failure, Just Feedback - lessons from a race in Portugal

Hello and welcome to another blog. This week I am writing from a cosy little house on the coast of Portugal. Just 2 days ago I attempted to run a 50 km trail race in the north and let’s say it didn’t go as planned. Not that I had much of a plan besides completing the distance. I have had a couple days to reflect on the experience so please read along to understand more.

BACKGROUND - 

I knew we would be in Portugal and I had a few days gap before my wife started her retreat, so naturally I looked for a race to take part in. At first I was going to sign up for the 30 K so It would be a bit more fun. At the time I felt it didn’t scare me enough so I signed up for the 50. Nearly 24 hours of travel later, what I thought was the ultimate carb load in Paris, another flight and our son waking up art 3:30 am and I found myself at the start line of a very small local race in the mountains of Amarante. 

I somehow booked the coolest little stone house which was in the lane way of the first and final KM of the race, it was nice to just walk to the start. Being my punctual self I arrived when they suggested and that was my first win of the day; getting my bib first. We then had 90 minutes until the start and having my 2 year old son and wife there made it a lot lighter on the nerves. We picked apples and tried to catch grasshoppers. The race MC was super nice and said the race began as an online event during the pandemic and it has continued since then. Less than 300 total applicants which kept the whole thing quite relaxed.

MINDSET - 

This was something that I continued to laugh at myself for later in the race. I believed in myself so hard that in my mind I thought “ this could be a race I win .” While I did feel strong and prepared the effort and years of experience required to do such a thing is still a long ways away. It’s nice to dream  anyways. It was almost immediately smashed into my face that this wasn’t possible as the lead pack split very quickly up the first incline. 

As per race tradition I start at the back so Im passing people and I don’t get caught up in too fast of a pace at the beginning. This is a reasonable mood booster.

THE RACE -

Less than 50 people were running the distance I entered and we started at the local amphitheater which is surrounded by the peaks we would be on top of later in the morning. Windmills at the tops let you know that it might get brisk at the summits. As we began we almost immediately started going up. The lead pack separated themselves very quickly and I knew to just keep my heart rate low and to play the long game. I passed a lot of people on the first downhill section and ended up running with a local woman for the next 10 km or so. Sort of back and forth as we had different strengths. 

We got into a really beautiful pine forest that was very lush, quiet and the ground was covered in pine needles which act as a bit of suspension underfoot. Some old bridges and stone structures scattered around. Language was a barrier between me and the others I ran with but that was expected and it keeps things free from small talk, more of a nod and hello keeps things simple.

Everything felt great and I was drinking and fueling based on what worked in previous races. I would drink 1 x tailwind high carb per hour and 1 Maurten 160 gel every half an hour. As we reached the first aid station after 1000m of climbing I topped up my bottles, enjoyed the view for a moment and made sure my shoes were tied before the long downhill section. I forget the woman’s name but she told me this downhill is very hard and to be careful. 

In Bali the mountains aren’t tall enough to train for these types of downhill efforts. While my quads were used to taking a beating, over 30 minutes of steep technical descent started to have more of an impact than I first imagined. It’s hard to not put on the brakes ( which is your quads ) when it’s super steep and loose like it was. Some of the more mellow downhill sections were fast, flowy and super fun. Again super soft ground, blanketed with beautiful ferns and more big happy trees. This is the part of trail running I appreciate so much is just being in these places.

We passed one tiny stone village that looked like it hadn’t been touched in hundreds of years. One old man waved from his stoop as I passed by. How different our lives and this day in particular were. I love these contrasts while travelling. This is where the lady I had been running with pointed to the highest peak around and said “up there” . Those would be our last words before she took off.

WELCOME TO HURTSVILLE -

As the climb started ( it was 1000m vertical in just under 4 km distance ) I had good energy but I could feel some cramps coming on. I put an extra electrolyte tablet in my bottle and kept pushing forward. It was way too early on to be feeling any sort of fatigue like this.  As I kept going I started to be passed by the lead group of the 30km distance. These guys looked like proper mountain machines. Calm, one water bottle in hand and running up what I was half power walking at this point. 

I know from previous experiences that your mind will give up well before your body, this time It felt the exact opposite. My mind wanted to continue and I had control over negative thoughts. My legs however were on their own program. I will do my best to describe in words exactly how this felt. Just know it took me nearly 30 min a KM for the next 2 hours. This included multiple fall over, full body cramp seizure things where people had to shake my legs, spray freeze shit on them, give me salt tablets and likely made them feel a little better about themselves. LOL

My quads on both sides felt like the tendons turned into metal rods from my hips to outside of my kneecaps and they were corkscrewing tighter and tighter with each step. This affected the way I could move so I would adjust accordingly which then would cause my entire calf muscles to feel like they were being pulled up to my butt. I had my poles to keep balanced from falling over but damn, this would then turn into full hand, elbow and shoulder cramps somehow.

A NEW MISSION - 

The new goal was to simply make it to the top of this hill. There really wasn’t any other option. The previous town was accessible by quad and I knew nobody was picking me up there. So I had to just keep shuffling up and up. I would try to find refuge on a rock or tree but stopping made things worse. Everyone who passed me was very kind and tried to help in whatever way they could, they would ask “you good”  I would reply with a very honest “no” and we would look at each other knowing I had to figure this one out on my own. 

I came across a conversation that was speaking about how when even non religious people are in a life or death scenario they will ask for help from god. I DID THIS. I started chanting Hare Krishna just to get my mind off of whatever my legs were trying to tell me. It did work momentarily and was well worth a try. While I tried to record the ups and downs of my emotions there were times It was just too painful to even grab my phone. 

I somehow made it to the crest of the hill and knew it was only half a KM to the aid station. This was still so painfully slow. I was at a grandpa shuffle just trying to keep moving foreward. When I arrived had it in my mind I was going to stop there. Unknowingly I had actually missed the cut off time by 8 minutes, so they wouldn’t let me continue even if I wanted to. So I chugged a bunch of Coca Cola, ate some cheese, a handful of chips and got in the loser cruiser with 5 others who also decided to call it quits.

AFTER -

I hobbled down to where I had started earlier in the day, took advantage of the spread of food there.  Which was some weird soup and figuring out what kind of meat they were trying to serve me was discovered as pig once I oinked at the lady serving to confirm. I love language barriers. 

One thing I had going through my head in the enjoyable part of the race was something I wanted to speak about but couldn’t find the words. I’ll try my best here. The past 3 races I’ve entered I have microdosed mushrooms. I really love the feeling of nature and how my mind and body feel when all these forces combine. The amount of gratitude that comes to me is incredible. For this race I didn’t microdose but It felt as If I could channel the benefits and feelings that had arisen previously. The colors, feel of the ground underfoot and my appreciation for the land I was able to move across were just as high as ever before. That was super cool. 

NEXT TIME -

I had no dissapointment, regret or any negative feelings towards not finishing and I have a lot more empathy and understanding towards those that have ever dropped out. Sometimes it’s simply not worth it. If I made the cut off time and continued on feeling like just to soothe my ego or whatever that would have been a shit afternoon. 

Instead I adjusted the goal, accepted the outcome and just went home, had a shower then cheered on some runners outside the door as they made their way to the finish line. 

If there are any take aways from this I hope that its this, there is no failure and just feedback. Nobody gives a shit you didn’t finish the race. ( at least not as much as we might play it up in out heads ) Anybody who cares about you wants to to be safe and return home in one piece. That’s it. Next time I’ll bring more salt tablets.

Thanks for your time and hope to catch you for a coffee and run sometime soon!

Much love,

FB